I have news: you are immortal.
Today I cannot help but conclude that neither naive philosophy nor science "do" wrong. One does truth; the other is a methodology of sequence ever-converging towards truth. I was wrong in assuming that the decoherence model is amateur science, for it is naive philosophy.
And I know that ellenjanuary is encoded in the fabric of the universe.
You can take it on faith. What shall emerge from the decoherence model will be the foundation of the equation above, the name on the research paper need not be ellenjanuary, and the rigor to formalize naive philosophy into science will be the work to credit whomever is due.
My life belongs to Gwyneth Paltrow, and we are after a far greater prize than immortality.